Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Things white people do........

Advisory: the views expressed are in no way intended to amplify or impress anybody with an imaginery vast knowledge of racial segregation but was a contribution made by a group of friends from all racial backgrounds while on a few beers. In short, don't take it too seriously.

This past weekend was a total blast, clearly 2008 is certainly the mother of all the other years..........I better stop before I jinx the rest of the year.

Anyhow, last Saturday at a bbq, my friend Hanna who is from Finland started to talk about her trip to the Masaai Mara that she had a week earlier. She said on her way back she couldn't help crying.....this is the part where everybody put on concerned faces.......and when asked why, she said it was because the scenery was SO beautiful it made her cry to think she might not see it again. That instantly wiped the sympathetic, concerned looks.............from the black people around the table. Our other white friends went like..aaaawwwww (yes they were chics) while the black people tried to surpress their laughter. That marked the beginning of 'what white people do that black people do not do' conversation.

The truth is we do notice the beautiful sceneries around us (black people) and appreciate it....but not enough to cry about especially if it is here to stay. We do not notice how beautiful the sky is....unless it has been grey for a long time and staying transfixed in one position waiting to watch the sun set is really not our style unless you are at the coast or it's a romantic setting and besides it sets every other day doesn't it?

The issue of sports for instance came up. A black person will never bungee jump....unless there's an audience because it is just insane to throw yourself off anything especially if it remotely translates to a possible death. Any form of extreme sports is not a black thing we get enough adrenaline through everyday occurances such as getting jacked and insane drivers is extreme enough to want to further the experience. As expected the issue of negotiating with a gun man being a white mans affair came up. Why would anybody want to ask a guy holding a rifle to relax and go on to tell them 'you do not want to do this' what are you the voice in his head? why would you be even talking to him?....the guy IS HOLDING A RIFLE!!!! The only thing you can do is duck! not negotiate! run my brother run!.

Still on possible death, I don't know any black person who has ever discovered an animal. If an animal looks strange like its is supposed to be on Mutant know big eyes popping out or just bizarre. A black person will not stick around to study it and come up with a fancy name like ormopithesitiscus we are just not inquisitive enough BUT a white person will pitch tent and have sleepless nights studying the....thing.

Honestly why would you want to find out why the cute kitty looks like a shark!!!!!!

Personally I have never heard of a black serial killer, seriously if we have a problem with somebody, we deal with them and only them, not go around killing and mutilating total strangers because of some childhood issues.

Alot of the white people I have been around do not like hanging out in clubs that are full of white people and am talking about here in Nairobi. Places like gypsies and pavement where you'd think they'd feel safer (TIA) and comforted by being around there own kind. However if you are in a foreign country being in a place full of whites I think sort of kills the whole notion of being a cultural pioneer and authenticity will be lost.

My Swedish friend and colleague Lisa Källbäck LOVES the sun, she adores it and would do anything to spend as much time as possible in it and for a minute you'd think she is compensating for all the winter time she's had in her entire life. Thats understandable since you can never compare the weather here to that in the Nordic countries however even on a day where I'd swear there were 3 suns it would still be a warm day for lisa. We black people, especially womenwill do anything to stay away from the sun and it is for obvious reasons. Our skin gets all shiny and sweaty like you had been in a sauna or just gotten out of a shower....uncool! and you generally just look like you are suffering. Secondly, being in the sun too long just gets our complexion all messed up, shortly you are navy blue......and in an Alek wek way.

Lisa enjoying the sun

Of course there are a lot of other stuff that white people do that black people don't do and if they do it's probably as an attempt to appear bourgeois which sometimes they fail at misearably. I love good food whether its asian food, continental etc and am sure everybody knows it doesn't come cheap, BUT buying a sandwich for 500 bob is just unacceptable, even if I know it will not dent my wallet but seriously, A sandwich!!!! what does it have in it!!! one sandwich, uno!! (I hope the lady at the restaurant downstairs reads this even fancier restaurants dont charge that much!!)

I came across this totally awesome blog that am sure you'd love and am not even done going through the posts. This blog stats are just incredible, it has over 10 millin hits.....thats how awesome it is.

My Finnish friend Hanna, who I mentioned earlier, is maintaining a blog on her African/Kenyan experience


Anonymous said...

This is so true, you got it spot on. Funny too the linked blog is too funny

Hanna said...

Thanks, now I'm famous, too! I remember when I was telling about the landscape and the reaction was totally weird - even if it was the Kenyan Charlie himself who first came up with the sentimental notion of crying when something is so beautiful he doesn't have words for it. I still don't know what he meant with it. But obviously its partly the novelty of many Kenyan things that makes them attractive to me while they're dead boring to Kenyans. By the way, I and my Finnish friends were reading that "stuff white people like" blog, and found it amusing but really strange... as if 'white people' was the same as the liberal American bohemian-bourgeois minority.

Barbie said...

Great work.

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